Week 13 Power Rankings!
It’s the end of the regular season, and you know what that means. (You do know, right?) Retrospective post-mortems! Oh, baby! Time for a wonderfully (or perhaps not-so-wonderfully) nostalgic look back at how we got where we are. Looking ahead is so tomorrow. (Hopefully, that’s when the playoff preview will be finished.) Oh yeah, the charts are here as well. Make your own jokes.
Home for the Holidays
12. Doctor Dilaudid
Record: 2-11; Last Week: 12
The Doctors had one of the worst seasons in the history of the league, garnering only two wins and never breaking into the triple digits. Only the ’08 Minions were worse, having two wins but about 25 fewer points. Hard to point to the one thing that really hurt them, since nearly everything went wrong – injuries, draft picks didn’t pan out, and a lack of depth left them exposed by the end of the year. Oh well, there’s always next year!
11. Bad Bad Victorcat
Record: 3-10; Last Week: 11
Three of their first 4 weeks were terrible, but after week 7, it looked like the Victorcats were on the verge turning their season around. Despite only having two wins, they were scoring points and looked like they would be the team playing the role of playoff spoiler. Then the bottom fell out, as they only broke 75 points once more over the final half of the season, and that’s how they find themselves sitting at home for the second straight year after their spectacular championship run in ‘08.
10. ★
Record: 5-8; Last Week: 8
The Stars had one of the weirdest seasons in recent memory – they started the year off absolutely horrendous, ripping off six straight losses and looking completely uninterested as they often left roster spots unfilled on gameday. Then something clicked (including an incredibly favorable schedule), and they won 5 of their final 7 with a chance to control their playoff destiny heading into the final week. There were several great individual performers on this team, but in the end, they wound up one or two pieces shy of being playoff material.
9. The Schmuckernators
Record: 4-9; Last Week: 9
The Schmuckernators were solid in about two-thirds of their games this year, but also suffered the misfortune of losing more close games than anyone: 4 close losses at under 10 points (the Runnings, with 3, were the only other team having more than 2 close losses). It would be easy to blame their failures the late season collapse – a win in any of their final three games would have put them in – but the loss that really doomed them was way back in week 5 to the Doctors when star TE Finley got hurt (who says every week doesn’t count once you leave college?). Ultimately, the season will go down as a disappointment as the Schmucks will miss the playoffs for the first time.
Itching to Pull an Upset
8. Cupcakes of DOOM!
Record: 5-8; Last Week: 10
Looking at the roster, it’s easy to wonder how they have won five games – who, outside of a generally disappointing Brees, would headline any other team? Based on records and points scored, the Cupcakes are almost certainly the worst team since league expansion to make the playoffs. But give credit where credit is due: they took care of business by taking down the teams they needed to beat – the Doctors (twice), the Stars, the Victorcats, and the Minions. The pickup of Ivory to lock up the playoff berth this week was bold and paid off handsomely. And they’ve finished the year with nice momentum heading into the postseason, where anything can – and does – happen.
7. Z Power
Record: 7-6; Last Week: 6
The first two-thirds of the season were quite mediocre for the Z’s – some wins, more losses, and generally unimpressive results most of the time. Then they made a great push in the final month, pulling off three solid wins in a row to secure their spot in the postseason while looking like quite a dangerous opponent. This past week was a disappointment, costing them a higher playoff seed, but the Z’s are playoff experts and will likely be a tough out over the next three weeks.
6. Minions
Record: 8-5; Last Week: 7
The Minions could do no wrong at the beginning of the year, winning 4 of their first 5 thanks to some great matchups. The second half of the year has been far less impressive as inconsistency has reared its ugly head, but they have won three of four and just had their best output of the season. Garnering the fifth seed is pretty remarkable achievement given the thin roster and injuries they have sustained this year. And if the right players get hot, who knows what will happen next?
5. Fat Cats
Record: 7-6; Last Week: 5
From week 4 to week 9, the Fat Cats looked more or less invincible, piling up 6 straight victories and often thoroughly dominating their opponent. Since then, they’ve regressed to the mean, losing three of four while barely breaking 50 this week (Vernon Davis and David Akers as the only two in double digits? Really?). So, which team will show up in the playoffs? The ruthlessly efficient midseason version, or the doughy, slightly out-of-shape-with-hints -of-male-pattern-baldness form that has replaced them?
Home-Field Advantage
4. Left Hand Strangers
Record: 8-5; Last Week: 4
The virtuoso performance this week was a scary sign for those upcoming playoff opponents. It’s been a solid first year for the league’s newest member, finishing in the upper division with 6 wins in their last 8 games. They’ve struggled against the top competition thus far, with only a week 11 win over the Sheep looking all that impressive, but they’ve run roughshod over the bottom division teams and have the makeup of a team in line for a deep postseason run.
3. A Sheep at the Wheel
Record: 9-4; Last Week: 3
The Sheep weren’t as dominant this year as the previous two, but they haven’t exactly laid down, either. Excepting a stretch over the middle month of the season during the byes, they have been remarkably consistent at getting at least 90 points a game and have the victories to show for it. It’s been a strong year yet again for the Sheep and they have a great chance to cap it with a special postseason run.
2. Cool Runnings
Record: 9-4; Last Week: 2
The Runnings have had a pretty fantastic season, failing to break 100 only three times during the year (tied for tops with the Showers). Not only have they been consistenly good, they are also the only team to break 140 twice, including the league’s highest score this year way back in week 2. And 3 of their 4 losses were by fewer than 5 points – this is a team that came oh-so-agonizingly-close to tying the record for most wins in the regular season. Even without such a record, however, the Runnings have the type of exceptional and balanced team to make up for playoff disappointments from the past two years.
1. The Hot Showers
Record: 11-2; Last Week: 1
From their week 1 takedown of the Strangers to this week’s demolition of the Stars playoff dreams, the Showers have been one of the clear start-to-finish powerhouses of the league this year. Their consistency has earned them the slight edge over the nearest completion, as they also snagged the overall points crown by fewer than 2 points a game. Sandwiched around two straight midseason losses were 5-game and 6-game winning streaks, and they are rolling into the playoffs looking just as strong now as at the beginning of the year, if not even stronger. So, now that we’ve thoroughly built them up, will they become the first regular season champ since ’07 to win a first round playoff game?
Home for the Holidays
12. Doctor Dilaudid
Record: 2-11; Last Week: 12
The Doctors had one of the worst seasons in the history of the league, garnering only two wins and never breaking into the triple digits. Only the ’08 Minions were worse, having two wins but about 25 fewer points. Hard to point to the one thing that really hurt them, since nearly everything went wrong – injuries, draft picks didn’t pan out, and a lack of depth left them exposed by the end of the year. Oh well, there’s always next year!
11. Bad Bad Victorcat
Record: 3-10; Last Week: 11
Three of their first 4 weeks were terrible, but after week 7, it looked like the Victorcats were on the verge turning their season around. Despite only having two wins, they were scoring points and looked like they would be the team playing the role of playoff spoiler. Then the bottom fell out, as they only broke 75 points once more over the final half of the season, and that’s how they find themselves sitting at home for the second straight year after their spectacular championship run in ‘08.
10. ★
Record: 5-8; Last Week: 8
The Stars had one of the weirdest seasons in recent memory – they started the year off absolutely horrendous, ripping off six straight losses and looking completely uninterested as they often left roster spots unfilled on gameday. Then something clicked (including an incredibly favorable schedule), and they won 5 of their final 7 with a chance to control their playoff destiny heading into the final week. There were several great individual performers on this team, but in the end, they wound up one or two pieces shy of being playoff material.
9. The Schmuckernators
Record: 4-9; Last Week: 9
The Schmuckernators were solid in about two-thirds of their games this year, but also suffered the misfortune of losing more close games than anyone: 4 close losses at under 10 points (the Runnings, with 3, were the only other team having more than 2 close losses). It would be easy to blame their failures the late season collapse – a win in any of their final three games would have put them in – but the loss that really doomed them was way back in week 5 to the Doctors when star TE Finley got hurt (who says every week doesn’t count once you leave college?). Ultimately, the season will go down as a disappointment as the Schmucks will miss the playoffs for the first time.
Itching to Pull an Upset
8. Cupcakes of DOOM!
Record: 5-8; Last Week: 10
Looking at the roster, it’s easy to wonder how they have won five games – who, outside of a generally disappointing Brees, would headline any other team? Based on records and points scored, the Cupcakes are almost certainly the worst team since league expansion to make the playoffs. But give credit where credit is due: they took care of business by taking down the teams they needed to beat – the Doctors (twice), the Stars, the Victorcats, and the Minions. The pickup of Ivory to lock up the playoff berth this week was bold and paid off handsomely. And they’ve finished the year with nice momentum heading into the postseason, where anything can – and does – happen.
7. Z Power
Record: 7-6; Last Week: 6
The first two-thirds of the season were quite mediocre for the Z’s – some wins, more losses, and generally unimpressive results most of the time. Then they made a great push in the final month, pulling off three solid wins in a row to secure their spot in the postseason while looking like quite a dangerous opponent. This past week was a disappointment, costing them a higher playoff seed, but the Z’s are playoff experts and will likely be a tough out over the next three weeks.
6. Minions
Record: 8-5; Last Week: 7
The Minions could do no wrong at the beginning of the year, winning 4 of their first 5 thanks to some great matchups. The second half of the year has been far less impressive as inconsistency has reared its ugly head, but they have won three of four and just had their best output of the season. Garnering the fifth seed is pretty remarkable achievement given the thin roster and injuries they have sustained this year. And if the right players get hot, who knows what will happen next?
5. Fat Cats
Record: 7-6; Last Week: 5
From week 4 to week 9, the Fat Cats looked more or less invincible, piling up 6 straight victories and often thoroughly dominating their opponent. Since then, they’ve regressed to the mean, losing three of four while barely breaking 50 this week (Vernon Davis and David Akers as the only two in double digits? Really?). So, which team will show up in the playoffs? The ruthlessly efficient midseason version, or the doughy, slightly out-of-shape-with-hints -of-male-pattern-baldness form that has replaced them?
Home-Field Advantage
4. Left Hand Strangers
Record: 8-5; Last Week: 4
The virtuoso performance this week was a scary sign for those upcoming playoff opponents. It’s been a solid first year for the league’s newest member, finishing in the upper division with 6 wins in their last 8 games. They’ve struggled against the top competition thus far, with only a week 11 win over the Sheep looking all that impressive, but they’ve run roughshod over the bottom division teams and have the makeup of a team in line for a deep postseason run.
3. A Sheep at the Wheel
Record: 9-4; Last Week: 3
The Sheep weren’t as dominant this year as the previous two, but they haven’t exactly laid down, either. Excepting a stretch over the middle month of the season during the byes, they have been remarkably consistent at getting at least 90 points a game and have the victories to show for it. It’s been a strong year yet again for the Sheep and they have a great chance to cap it with a special postseason run.
2. Cool Runnings
Record: 9-4; Last Week: 2
The Runnings have had a pretty fantastic season, failing to break 100 only three times during the year (tied for tops with the Showers). Not only have they been consistenly good, they are also the only team to break 140 twice, including the league’s highest score this year way back in week 2. And 3 of their 4 losses were by fewer than 5 points – this is a team that came oh-so-agonizingly-close to tying the record for most wins in the regular season. Even without such a record, however, the Runnings have the type of exceptional and balanced team to make up for playoff disappointments from the past two years.
1. The Hot Showers
Record: 11-2; Last Week: 1
From their week 1 takedown of the Strangers to this week’s demolition of the Stars playoff dreams, the Showers have been one of the clear start-to-finish powerhouses of the league this year. Their consistency has earned them the slight edge over the nearest completion, as they also snagged the overall points crown by fewer than 2 points a game. Sandwiched around two straight midseason losses were 5-game and 6-game winning streaks, and they are rolling into the playoffs looking just as strong now as at the beginning of the year, if not even stronger. So, now that we’ve thoroughly built them up, will they become the first regular season champ since ’07 to win a first round playoff game?
3 Comments:
This comment has been removed by the author.
Actually, there might not even be a next year due to the possible players lockout...yeah, that's right, this doctor is removing life support...consider your plug pulled.
Danny,
I couldn't agree more with your analysis of the Cupcakes' season. Although I like your chances to move on to at least the second round of playoffs I'm going to have to go ahead and bank on the "any given Sunday" mantra that comes along with any major NFL upset.
Post a Comment
<< Home