Round 3
The craziness of the playoffs continues! The biggest story? The number eight seed Inglorious Bat Turds pulling off their second upset in a row – convincingly, it should be noted – as they make a reservation in the final. Remember, this was a team that wasn’t even going to make the postseason without a little help on the final week. Alongside them, we have the Blind Squirrels, who, after two straight years of settling for a spot in the third place game, have finally broken through to a spot in the championship. Their road has not been as impressive, since they’ve had to go against two of the lowest scores seen in the postseason – and they haven’t put up such great numbers themselves. But it’s been enough to win, and at this point, that’s the name of the game. Should be a great matchup!
Predictions:
Seventh Place Game:
(1) The Home Pwners over (6) Brett’s Benzos BID
In one of the biggest surprises of the playoffs, the Pwners find themselves playing not for a championship, but only for their wounded pride. Their path has been almost opposite the Blind Squirrels, having to compete with the weekly high score the past two weeks and has resulted in their longest losing streak of the season. While the good news for the BID is that the Pwners bring out the best in their competition, the bad news is they don’t really have a chance even if they play well.
Fifth Place Game:
(4) The Dngr Dngrs over (7) Cool Runnings
Two of the hottest teams at the beginning of the year who fell upon hard times at the end. The Dngrs have shown a bit more firepower lately – particularly last week in upsetting the Pwners – but the Runnings have the weapons to hang tight if certain stars perform. The guess here is that the Dngrs have the better matchups – hello Lions! – and will pull this one out.
Third Place Game:
(5) The Schmuckernators over (3) The Incomprehensibles
The Incomprehensibles had been mighty impressive over the last month and a half over the season, pulling out victory after victory. Unfortunately, it all fell apart last week in their battle with the Squirrels, and now we have to see what kind of recovery they have. One the other side the Schmucks have been one of the most consistent teams in the playoffs, but happened to run up against a steam roller last week. They should be able to rebound this week to lock up a spot on the podium.
Championship:
Tough call. The Squirrels have been superior over the course of the season, but right now, there is no team in the league playing better than the Bat Turds. Let’s run down the positions as they stand as of this writing:
At QB, the Squirrels have a slight advantage with Kurt Warner over Phillip Rivers. Both are going up against good defenses, but NE has been more vulnerable to the pass.
At WR, the Turds have the definite edge. Andre Johnson and Steve Smith vs. Hines Ward, Lance Moore, and Kevin Walter? I’d put my money on the first two outscoring the last three, even with one less roster spot.
At RB, the slight edge to the Turds. DeAngelo Williams has been phenomenal over the last stretch of the season, but after that they only have the platoon backs Sammy Morris and Leon Washington. The Squirrels counter with the capable, though disappointing, Marshawn Lynch and Justin Fargas. Lynch gets the Denver run defense, which could keep things very interesting.
At TE, the Squirrels’ Tony Gonzalez is the clear advantage over Chris Cooley. This could be the difference in a tight game.
At K, it’s a wash. Impossible to predict who will have a good game on a particular week. Neither plays for a great offense, and both are going up against decent defenses.
At D, the advantage goes to the Squirrels. Dallas has not been as good as they could be, but they get to go up against the underwhelming Ravens, while San Diego – another disappointment – has to face TB.
On the bench:
The Turds have the advantage…not that it does any good having a bench advantage. However they have the ability to swap in Ronnie Brown or Dominic Rhodes (unfortunately, looks like Addai will be back this week) at RB and Adam Vinatieri at K if they desire, while the Squirrels only halfway logical move is to put in Romo (who has to face Baltimore) and maybe take a chance with Cedric Benson vs. Cleveland (yeah, I wouldn’t do that, either).
So with all that analysis, who will come out on top? I foresee the Squirrels taking a lead into the Sunday night game, only to watch it slip away as the Turds’ Smith and Williams outscore kicker Kasey. The Inglorious Bat Turds will complete their amazing march through the playoffs with a come-from-behind shocker to emerge as the champion…if me and my gaudy 3-5 prediction record have anything to do with it. Best of luck to both teams!
Predictions:
Seventh Place Game:
(1) The Home Pwners over (6) Brett’s Benzos BID
In one of the biggest surprises of the playoffs, the Pwners find themselves playing not for a championship, but only for their wounded pride. Their path has been almost opposite the Blind Squirrels, having to compete with the weekly high score the past two weeks and has resulted in their longest losing streak of the season. While the good news for the BID is that the Pwners bring out the best in their competition, the bad news is they don’t really have a chance even if they play well.
Fifth Place Game:
(4) The Dngr Dngrs over (7) Cool Runnings
Two of the hottest teams at the beginning of the year who fell upon hard times at the end. The Dngrs have shown a bit more firepower lately – particularly last week in upsetting the Pwners – but the Runnings have the weapons to hang tight if certain stars perform. The guess here is that the Dngrs have the better matchups – hello Lions! – and will pull this one out.
Third Place Game:
(5) The Schmuckernators over (3) The Incomprehensibles
The Incomprehensibles had been mighty impressive over the last month and a half over the season, pulling out victory after victory. Unfortunately, it all fell apart last week in their battle with the Squirrels, and now we have to see what kind of recovery they have. One the other side the Schmucks have been one of the most consistent teams in the playoffs, but happened to run up against a steam roller last week. They should be able to rebound this week to lock up a spot on the podium.
Championship:
Tough call. The Squirrels have been superior over the course of the season, but right now, there is no team in the league playing better than the Bat Turds. Let’s run down the positions as they stand as of this writing:
At QB, the Squirrels have a slight advantage with Kurt Warner over Phillip Rivers. Both are going up against good defenses, but NE has been more vulnerable to the pass.
At WR, the Turds have the definite edge. Andre Johnson and Steve Smith vs. Hines Ward, Lance Moore, and Kevin Walter? I’d put my money on the first two outscoring the last three, even with one less roster spot.
At RB, the slight edge to the Turds. DeAngelo Williams has been phenomenal over the last stretch of the season, but after that they only have the platoon backs Sammy Morris and Leon Washington. The Squirrels counter with the capable, though disappointing, Marshawn Lynch and Justin Fargas. Lynch gets the Denver run defense, which could keep things very interesting.
At TE, the Squirrels’ Tony Gonzalez is the clear advantage over Chris Cooley. This could be the difference in a tight game.
At K, it’s a wash. Impossible to predict who will have a good game on a particular week. Neither plays for a great offense, and both are going up against decent defenses.
At D, the advantage goes to the Squirrels. Dallas has not been as good as they could be, but they get to go up against the underwhelming Ravens, while San Diego – another disappointment – has to face TB.
On the bench:
The Turds have the advantage…not that it does any good having a bench advantage. However they have the ability to swap in Ronnie Brown or Dominic Rhodes (unfortunately, looks like Addai will be back this week) at RB and Adam Vinatieri at K if they desire, while the Squirrels only halfway logical move is to put in Romo (who has to face Baltimore) and maybe take a chance with Cedric Benson vs. Cleveland (yeah, I wouldn’t do that, either).
So with all that analysis, who will come out on top? I foresee the Squirrels taking a lead into the Sunday night game, only to watch it slip away as the Turds’ Smith and Williams outscore kicker Kasey. The Inglorious Bat Turds will complete their amazing march through the playoffs with a come-from-behind shocker to emerge as the champion…if me and my gaudy 3-5 prediction record have anything to do with it. Best of luck to both teams!
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