URK 2011: Week 11 Power Rankings

Rather boring week as far as the actual games went—no game decided by fewer than 20 points—but the playoff races are heating up to a furious boil with every single matchup this upcoming week containing important implications for the postseason. At the top, the number one seed will likely be decided in the faceoff between the Records and the Cheeseburgers; at the bottom, eight teams are still technically in the running for only five remaining slots. Top-to-bottom, the competitiveness of the league has been up significantly this year; never before has a six win team failed to make the playoffs, but it’s looking increasingly likely that this could happen. Let’s examine!

12. Minions (Chris)
W-L: 1-10
Last Week: 12
Average Ballot Position: 11.8

As is often the case around this time of year, the Minions have the opportunity to play the spoiler and they wind up this year with three straight chances. They whiffed this past week against the Geese, but get two more attempts against the Cupcakes and then the Stars – a stolen victory in any of these games could be almost fatal to the other teams’ playoff dreams.

11. SayHi2YourMother4Me (Kenan)
W-L: 4-7
Last Week: 11
Average Ballot Position: 10.7

For the second straight week, these guys found themselves on the wrong end of the biggest blowout of the week, and with the league’s lowest score of the year to boot! Does this mean three straight non-playoff years for the 2008 League Champion? Officially, the Mothers haven’t been eliminated yet, but one more loss and it’s ‘Say Bye’ to SayHi.

10. Jehovah's Jockstrap (Brett)
W-L: 4-7
Last Week: 10
Average Ballot Position: 10.0

The Fightin’ Jehovah’s are down to their final chances – they need two strong wins and some help to crack the top eight this year. It doesn’t look too good down here, but here’s the most likely scenario for how it could work: beat the Obese and the CoD’s, and watch the Geese lose to the Beaks and the Sheep lose to the Z’s and the K-Comma-D’s lose to the B-H-Comma-D’s. Got it?

9. The Dyin' SharkLions (Danny)
W-L: 5-6
Last Week: 9
Average Ballot Position: 8.2

Now we come to the real contenders. For the second straight week, the SharkLions came away with a crucial victory when a loss probably would have doomed them. Their every-game-is-the-playoffs run continues with a rematch against the Stars, and for the third straight week the Dyin’ (but not dead, yet) find themselves in need a win to remain in control their playoff destiny. Otherwise, they will need help from Jehovah, literally.

8. Cupcakes of DOOM! (Adam)
W-L: 5-6
Last Week: 5
Average Ballot Position: 7.8

Almost certainly, only 4 of the teams in the nine-to-five slots will make the playoffs, and right now the Cupcakes find themselves with the short straw. But the good news is their schedule; they finish up against two of the three bottom teams in the league, drawing the Minions followed by the Jockstraps. Sweep those as they should, and they’re in. Lose one, and it becomes a whole lot dicier.

7. Obese Geese (Steve)
W-L: 6-5
Last Week: 6
Average Ballot Position: 7.3

The Geese got an absolutely necessary victory and are still okay at the moment, but their margin for error is razor thin. While they cannot fall below the eighth seed this week (either the SharkLions or Stars are guaranteed to lose this week), a slip up against Jockstraps would be devastating because they go up against the league’s hottest team the following week. For a team that only needs one more victory to clinch a spot in the dance, this week is by far the easier of the two possibilities.

6. Stars (Dan)
W-L: 5-6
Last Week: 8
Average Ballot Position: 6.3

Clutch. Pure clutch. Let’s recap the Stars’ season to this point; 4 wins to establish themselves as a surprise contender followed by 6 losses to put their season on the brink with the dominant Z Power on tap. What happens? Why the Stars crush the (formerly) number one team in the league by nearly 50 points-WITH 5 PLAYERS ON BYE! And these weren’t just any old scrubs either; 4 started the week before and the only reason #1 receiver Andre Johnson didn’t play was because of injury! Among the most impressive performances of the season. And drawing the Minions in Week 13 means they’re probably safe regardless of this week.

5. A Sheep at the Wheel (Jaron)
W-L: 5-6
Last Week: 7
Average Ballot Position: 5.3

The Wheels are rolling now with 4 wins and 5 strong performances in their last 6 games. Now the suddenly reeling Z’s come to town and the Sheep have a great opportunity to get rid of their losing record for the first time all year. Of course, they could just as easily lose this game and find themselves right back on the brink with the desperate, cornered SharkLions on deck. And what Sheep wants to see a hungry SharkLion with a playoff spot in the balance?

4. The Schmuckernators (Jason)
W-L: 6-5
Last Week: 4
Average Ballot Position: 4.5

The Schmuckernators may have lost this week, but it was still their best week of the season. See, while they still need one more win to assuredly clinch a spot, they managed to gain 35+ points on the Geese and now hold a 60+ point advantage. So, they just need to not collapse entirely over the next two weeks and they’re in by virtue of the tiebreak system – or they could just knock off the SayHi’s this week to end the drama. And hey, if they can with both their remaining games, they’ll have the 4 seed! Not bad, Mr. Eighth-Highest-Scorer-In-The-League!

3. Z Power (Andy G.)
W-L: 8-3
Last Week: 3
Average Ballot Position: 2.8

What happened? After rolling up 100+ points in each of the first six weeks of the season, the Z’s have been unable to crack 80 three of the last five weeks. That inevitable number one seed now looks pretty unlikely, barring a slip from both of the teams in front of them. But let’s not entirely jump off the bandwagon just yet…they’ve always been a top-heavy but depth-thin team, so if they can get Vick and Bradshaw back and healthy in time for the playoffs (admittedly a big if), they’ll be right back in the hunt, just from a non-pole position.

2. Bacon Cheeseburgers (Andy K.)
W-L: 9-2
Last Week: 2
Average Ballot Position: 1.8 (2)

Six-hundredths of a point. That’s all the margin was the first time the Cheeseburgers and Records met in Week 1, with the Bacon emerging both more victorious and more delicious. A win in the rematch combined with a Z’s loss will lock up the number one seed, but it won’t be any easier this time…just how seriously is Peterson hurt? Can they survive an injury to their one true stud? Could this have come at a worse time?

1. Rostrum Records (Luke)
W-L: 8-3
Last Week: 1
Average Ballot Position: 1.3 (4)

Top-of-the-charts Rostrum has emerged over the past few weeks to become the most dangerous team in the league, and the scoring title looks increasingly certain. Now the number one seed they came so tantalizingly close to last year is within reach again, and we’ll see if that experience can give them that edge. Even if the value of these thoughts is typically as useful as Greek bonds, the money here says yes.